That Time I Almost Spontaneously Combusted


Here’s the thing about my life the last three months: I am emotionally and physically exhausted. Yes, there are specific things today that happened that were REALLYREALLYREALLY good(!!!!) but also at the same time, there were things that have just left me feeling so drained and all I want is to curl up in bed and drown myself in chocolate and a good movie to cry through.

Even though a good chunk of my exhaustion tonight can be mostly attributed to today’s events, the reality is that since January 1st, I have very literally been going at 180mph. My planner is constantly full with a to do list and if I don’t write it down then it is not “law” and it doesn’t get done. I have had to get very strict about this process of writing everything down in the notes of my current week because the few times that I haven’t, there have been some pretty serious things forgotten. I am constantly opening texts from people on my phone and not responding only because I was seriously in the middle of some very serious work; and yes, I am constantly working these days.

Last week I texted one of my best friends and let her know that I thought I was on my way to exploding. I completely believed that I was going to spontaneously combust at any moment that day. I had deadlines looming over my head and coming at me from every direction; I was in the middle of a very serious time of outstanding prayer (maybe a week? two weeks? a month?); and to make all of these matters worse, I had not gotten a proper night of deep sleep in weeks because I was up late working or I was up late tossing and turning. Her (condensed) response to me was:

That’s way too much. Your gonna burn out!!! Take a weekend sabbatical – no work, just prayer for guidance and wisdom. Your body is giving you warning signs, listen to it.”

They were the most simple words but also exactly the knock to the head wisdom that I needed to hear in the moment. That it was okay to take a sabbatical and to rest because that was the only way I was truly going to get the answers to the prayers I was praying.

How many times do we all fall into this same pattern of praying for God’s discernment and simultaneously not leaving the time or the proper volume for him to speak into our lives? It hit me that probably a lot of my prayers over the years have gone unanswered because I only gave him 30 minutes of my time for a day each week over specific prayer before I took off like a lightning bolt.

So what did I do? Well, I am only human after all and I do have deadlines to keep but I allowed myself to take two days of rest. I worked my 9-6 job, I took rest breaks during the day, I came home, I didn’t work. I just rested. Philip made sure to get me in bed early one night and then quietly woke up to take care of Jude and Scottie the next morning so that I could keep sleeping completely undisturbed. Finally! I had gotten the sleep I had been missing all month long.

What followed was enough time of actual silence in my head for God to show up and say,

“Hey, you silly girl who I love so much, I’ve been giving you the answers all along, you just weren’t able to see or hear them.”

I dare you this week to take some time to just sit with the Lord and share all of your frustrations and all of your deepest desires and then give him some time of silence. Maybe it might be only 30 minutes, but maybe you might need a few days. Allow him to be the only noise in your life. You might be find that he’s already been answering your prayers, you just couldn’t hear it.

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