This photo is blurry but I love it oh so very much. Here we have our silly little boy, who just woke up from his last nap and is so well rested and happy and so excited to be sitting by the window with his mama. We had so much fun just being silly and giggling together. He was talking up a storm and crawling back and forth on the window seat and man, I was jealously grabbing up every second of our time together before the moment could float away from me.
I want our time together to always be this way: purposeful and filled to the brim with genuine bonding time. The problem is that it gets hard to always do that when I’m trying to make it to work on time in the morning; and when I get home, bed time is just 30 minutes away and little Jude is pretty much out of energy. With Sundays usually full of church, that only leaves Saturdays empty… and this is why I guard my Saturday time so carefully.
Of course, there have been the weekends when I’ve “failed” at this and filled it up with too many things that don’t include my family or maybe just barely. Those weekends are always good, but they can also be so hard when it’s the one day a week that I truly get to be free with Philip and Jude to have adventures together. Friends and family outside of our home are also important and things like brunch at my aunt’s house or weekend getaways with friends are definitely 150% special and needed. No matter what though, coming back to a Saturday with my boys just fills my cup like nothing else.
Life is hard and full of it’s highs and lows lately. Sometimes I put myself down so much for all of my past mistakes and hasty decisions. A lot of time and focus during the week gets spent judging myself for my looks and my actions. I just so badly want life to be “oh so perfect” right now and the struggle of dreaming of the green grass on the “other side” can spiral out of control. But really, what good is any of this actually doing for my life? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
It can’t make me any younger or put me into better shape; it can’t add zeros to our bank account; it can’t reverse time so that I can change all those decisions I made; it can’t even stop time and keep Jude from turning a year old. Life may not be perfect now, but I for sure am not going to let it be wasted because I was stuck dreaming about better days.
“And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” – Esther 4:14
My prayer for myself in this season is that I would be constantly reminded that I have been created for this time, this place, these circumstances. Maybe all the wrong decisions put me in these tight spaces where I didn’t need to end up, but while I am here I want to keep my line of sight always on learning every single lesson there is to learn so that I can challenge myself to grow and change. If I’m not feeling heard, well then, it’s time to speak louder; if I’m feeling sluggish and heavy, then it’s time put away the distractions and at least start moving; if I’m feeling weighed down by the world that’s spinning just way too fast, then it’s time to stop letting time be wasted and do what makes me feel truly rested.
For me, that involves a slow Saturday filled with adventures and my two favorite people in the entire world. What I have “come to the kingdom for” is loving and raising my baby boy to love God, be courageous, and bring joy with him everywhere he goes. Parenting along with Philip has been the best adventure and I don’t want to miss any of these special moments because I was distracted by the negative stuff. I’ve only got this one life! So I am choosing to not waste it and spend my time only on my favorite things and what truly matters.
Family breakfast, coffee, naps, books, the outdoors, and giggles – these are a few of my favorite Saturday things.