I know we’re a week into February already, but I’m still in shock. Does it normally take me this long to get accustomed to the new year? Earlier this afternoon my co-worker and I remembered that this past Friday was the one year birthday for little Oliver, the baby boy born to someone who worked in our department last year during the year of the legal baby boom. This time last year we were just dying of cuteness at the sight of newborn Oliver pictures and I was realizing how quickly it was going to become my turn to have a baby.
At the end of January my little boy turned 10 months and I just don’t know where the time went. All of the nostalgia over the past year is beginning to kick in and I have to hide my phone during work hours so that I’m not stuck in a never ending scroll through baby pictures of Jude. He is just so photogenic – how can I resist?!
The problem with getting stuck in the never ending loop of photos and videos is not that it keeps me from getting my work done. I’m a hard worker and I never leave anything on my to do list at the end of the day that doesn’t need the input of others to complete the task. The real problem here is that I go too far and I see all of the pictures of me and Jude during the precious time we spent together on my maternity leave and it makes me too sad to focus much on anything else but my sadness for awhile.
Maybe I should take all of the pictures off of my phone. But then I couldn’t get Jude smiles throughout the day!! So I won’t do that. What I need to do is not focus on how much I am missing out on by not being at home with him everyday and instead choose to take that love and obsession with my baby boy and turn it into motivation.
Babies really are such a great motivation. If you never have a child that is more than okay, but make sure you find something you are passionate about, something to motivate you to get out of bed. Something that you can look at and say, “I am not okay with these mediocre results; I will take this and triple the results in my life.” For me in this season of my life, that motivation just happens to be my son. I have never loved or cared for anyone or anything in this way and it pushes me to look past my horizon, to think outside of the box, and to get out of my own head and aggressively attack the world for all I can get out of this life.
I know people will ask me, “But what about Philip? You love Jude more than him?”, and of course the answer to that is no. It’s just that now, the love I feel for Jude is so much different. I am not just loving the man of my dreams and the man who makes me feel like the most special person in the world, but I am also loving my first born son who is half of me and half of Philip. He is so full of wonder and curiosity and even on a bad day when his nose is dripping snot and his teeth are killing him, I can count on him to greet me with a huge smile and little squeal of delight when I walk through the door at the end of the day. He loves me for all my faults and never judges me for what I’m wearing or how I did my makeup but instead tells me all about his day and let’s me read him books and play with him. He is 100% authentically himself and I am 100% authentically obsessed with raising this little boy to be all he can be.
And since I am obsessed with raising him, that means I need to be all that I can be for his sake. I need to hustle in life and seize every opportunity before someone else has the chance to even think of taking it from me.
Tonight I took a look at our budget and mapped out how long it should take to kill the next two debts and then in big capital letters I added the kill dates next to the name of the debt. I decided it was time to start loudly and obnoxiously proclaiming in my life the freedom that I can almost taste. I wrote the dates all over my planner in both the month and week views and tomorrow, I will print out something to put on the wall above my computer at work so that it’s constantly a visible reminder. I’m to the point of writing it out and taping it to my steering wheel and the ceiling above our bed. WHATEVER I need to do to STAY MOTIVATED – I will do it.
I will do it all for this face.